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Dangers of the Closet

First and foremost, let me apologize for any forthcoming political incorrectness. It is sort of bound to come from this.

 Second, I feel stupid for even posting any of this. Look, the gay community faces a lot of serious, troubling issues. Employment discrimination, for one. Housing issues, adoption issues, marriage issues (of course), not to mention ridiculous amounts of youth homelessness, bullying, and suicide. I care deeply about all of these issues, and I think they are far, far more important than what I am writing about here now. And I will do what I can to help address and fix those issues.

 But I think there's another problem that lots of young gay men and women deal with, and that gets talked about a whole lot less. In part because those other issues ARE so much more important, but also in part because people are less willing to talk about things are less serious, and less dangerous, but just as damaging to the self-esteem and self-worth of our LGBT youth.

 It is hard to come out. And it involves a number of factors - how accepting someone is of their own sexuality, how accepting their family or friends are of that sexuality (or how accepting any gay youth thinks that their family or friends may be of it), how accepting their respective religion may be of that sexuality (or, again, how accepting anyone thinks their religion may be of that sexuality). Everyone's journey to acceptance is different, and involves different types of considerations and judgements. Everyone progresses along that path in a unique way, and every path is valuable and valid.

 But every gay person knows the pain and hurt associated with being presented an opportunity for growth and acceptance, and having the opportunity be taken away for the sake of someone else's closet. And as wrong as it would be to rob that other person of their own personal journey, it still hurts to have it thrown in your face.

 Tonight, it came to my attention that someone in the room with me was, for lack of any better, more eloquent words, "like me." And, for myriad reasons, not least of which had to do with (I imagine) that own individual's personal journey beyond the closet doors, I never had the opportunity to talk to that person about his own experience, or to share my own with him.

 In layman's terms: I was in a heteronormative setting, surrounded by straight women and uber-straight men (college football players), discovered one of them happened to be gay, and missed the opportunity to connect with that person.

 By "connect," I do not at all mean "hook up with" or "get with." As I'm sure plenty of other LGBT people can relate to, my first line of thinking tonight was something along the lines of - "Oh, this person is gay, too - maybe they could be a potential romantic interest, a potential boyfriend." But the disappointment associated with the deflation of that thought had nothing to do with sex, or intimacy, or even romance.

 It had everything to do with a lost opportunity for communion. To be honest, it's hard to put into words, and I worry (very much) about my attempt here to do so. I believe very much in the need to build coalitions among and bridges between every marginalized identity - whether that marginalization be based upon sexuality, or race, or gender, or religion, or what have you. But, at risk of sounding politically incorrect, I would venture to say that there is something unique in the experience of a "sexual minority" missing the opportunity to connect with someone of a similar "persuasion" in an otherwise heteronormative environment.

 I wasn't upset tonight because I missed a chance at sex, as many may believe I am saying. Putting aside the notion that this other person may have even been interested in me in that way, or that I may have been interested in him in that way (for goodness sake, I hardly even knew the guy!), it was still just a powerful moment to KNOW that this other person felt the same way that I did (at least sexually, that is).

 LGBT people live their lives within a largely "invisible" identity. By and large, racial minorities, religious minorities, and women are immediately known and defined by their own "Otherness." LGBT people are not. They can, for better or worse, hide their own identities in a way that members of these other minority groups cannot. The very societal "need" for these people to "come out" makes this evident. And while this enables us LGBT people to follow our own individual paths and develop our own identities in the ways in which are most comfortable for us, it also hampers our ability to build a community and learn from one another and through each other's individual experiences.

 The sheer knowledge that we are not alone within a community, a group of friends, or even a room can provide us with a level of acceptance and comfort that could otherwise be unavailable to us. And so, when we learn of this connection, only to have it taken away from us on account of the pressures that society places on each of us to remain in the closet, it can have a profound effect upon us that is hard to put into words and is understandably difficult for others to comprehend or be empathetic toward.

 This is the reason why I found myself distressed tonight, in a way that other people may believe to be irrational or otherwise unreasonable. Yet for me, and probably for many of my LGBT brothers, sisters and zisters/zothers (I'm sorry for how incorrect these pronouns may be - I truly mean no offense at all, please correct me as you will), this is something that is familiar and very much understandable. I know what it feels like for someone you care about to turn around and say - "Sorry, but I'm not actually gay, despite what I may have said to you or done". I know what it feels like when someone tells you one thing in private, and then refuses to even meet your eyes when their friends are around. When someone calls you by an affectionate name, and then turns around and introduces you as their "friend," I and every other LGBT person knows how it feels - it hurts. It doesn't only make you question that one relationship, but also the entire identity which you have worked so hard to achieve and be comfortable with. 

 Even though it's not something that people talk about very often (and I mean, come on, who would want to talk about it?), it indeed cuts just as deeply as does turning on the television and watching a leading presidential candidate say that you don't deserve equal rights. It is the product of our culture, one which tells us all, time and again, that any deviance from the sexual norm is dangerous, deranged, and immoral. It sets us ALL back, and I think it's time that we talk about it.

The Dark Knight Rises - TRAILER

Yet another 2012 movie I am so so so excited about.

Check it out below:

IOWA: Who's Gunna Win??

So, the two latest polls coming out of Iowa look really good for a somewhat surprising candidate: Ron Paul. The storyline the past two days or so has been that Gingrich's numbers in IA have totally imploded, while Paul has risen and taken the lead. Looking more closely at the numbers/trends, it also looks like someone else has been benefitting from his attack ads the past week or so - Rick Perry. Here are some of the numbers:

Insider Advantage (12/18): Paul 24%, Romney 18%, Perry 16%, Gingrich 13%, Bachmann 10%, Huntsman 4%, Santorum 3%.
PPP (12/16-12/18): Paul 23%, Romney 20%, Gingrich 14%, Perry 10%, Bachmann 10%, Santorum 10%, Huntsman 4%.

And check out the latest RealClearPolitics graph mapping the trends in the state:

So, what can we gather from all of this?

First of all, the attack ads that have been airing across IA have taken a huge toll on Gingrich's numbers. His lack of any real campaign infrastructure there probably has as well. According to PPP, he was leading the field with 27% just two weeks ago. It looks like those numbers were premature and flimsy. Right now, it definitely doesn't look like Gingrich is going to win the first caucus in the nation.

Secondly, something that I think is being overlooked are Perry's numbers. The RCP average over the last five days has Perry in fourth place with 12%...but if the Insider Advantage numbers are to be believed, Perry is definitely trending in the right direction right now. He's definitely got momentum building. His numbers will be the ones to look at in the next couple of polls - is he staying around 10%, or is he moving up into the high teens? If he's moving up, I'd say he has a shot.

Third, of course the thing everyone is talking about right now is how Paul is now leading the field. And it's definitely true. But, like every other blogger and political journalist out there, I'll reiterate that his numbers are made up of an unconventional (read: young and unreliable) bloc of voters and he has less growing room than some of the other front-runners (read: Romney). Conventional wisdom is that Paul has the strongest operation going in IA, and this will definitely be huge for GOTV efforts come caucus day. But will it be enough? 

Now that I've gotten those formalities out of the way, I want to go out on a limb and say that Paul's support is much stronger than most reporters are giving him credit for. Yes, he loses to Romney 10-28 among voters older than 65. But not only does he lead Romney by a whopping 48-3 (45 points!) among voters under 30 and by 18 points among voters 30-44, but he is also essentially tied with him among voters 45-64 (22 for Paul, 21.6 for Romney). So, he leads in nearly every age group, among both men and women, and among Independents, Democrats, and yes, even Republicans. In other words, the only groups Paul is not winning are the over-65 crowd and blacks and hispanics (who make up a pretty small number of the IA electorate). 

At this point, I'd say the newest IA numbers are pointing toward a three-way race: Paul, Romney, and Perry. Of course, everything can change in 24 hours - and we're still 15 days away from the caucuses. Newt could go on the air and make a resurgence; Romney's numbers could solidify as we get closer; Bachman (or even Santorum) could climb just enough to play spoiler. (On that last note, one more thing to look for in the next few polls: where are Santorum's numbers at? 3% in Insider Advantage and 10% in PPP are very different, especially in a field as big as this one, where those seven points could mean the difference between a Perry win or a Romney win). So, all of this is pretty irrelevant. I just wanted to share the poll numbers with you, and let you know my amateur opinion of what they might possibly mean.

Please comment and let me know what YOU think is going to happen! And thank you for reading. I'm going to try and start updating this pretty regularly, maybe even a few times a day - even just with links to cool articles and the like. Feel free to leave comments to let me know what you'd like to see more of!

-Ryan